First Chemotherapy Treatment

Not knowing what to expect - 14 August 2013

I dreaded my first chemotherapy session. Mostly because I didn't know what to expect and all I felt was the sore and tenderness of my portacath surgery area. I couldn't imagine a thick needle penetrating an area that was already so painful.

 When Pete drove me to the hospital and parked the car, I felt a warm flood of tears building up in my eyes. I tried to lift my head up and make my tears disappear. Instead I felt that familiar warm wave of emotions - you know where your eyes get wet and your nose tingles cause you're about to cry. The only thing I told myself was to stay strong and stop feeling sorry for myself.  It was just a brief flitting moment.  I just couldn't believe that I...I have cancer....and I have to suck it up, pound sand, and get through this...and maintain a happy face...not just for my own sanity but for those around me too.  

My mom must have seen my face because she said it's normal to feel the way I do. She said this is when you realize you really are a sick patient and you're unhealthy.  She said she was in disbelief too when she went through breast cancer herself.  At that moment, I really appreciated her being with me - besides all the good cooking and cleaning she's been doing at my house. LOL.

When we got into the hospital, I was immediately whisked away for blood work.  They drew 4 vials of blood, each to test for white blood and red blood count; liver function; and I forgot the last one.  After that, I went into the Oncology room.  It was a large bright open bay with rows of recliner chairs occupied by people like me, receiving their chemotherapy.  Most of the people were senior citizens.  I believe I was one of the youngest looking patients.  It's so surreal to be sitting in a room like this.  I felt like I was sent to a nursing home already. This is when reality hit again - that I really do have cancer.

I am assigned to Nurse Marie in the third treatment section of the bay.  She has 31 years of nursing experience which most of her years were spent in Oncology. I immediately appreciated her experience and thanked the Lord for blessing me with Nurse Marie to take care of me.  She was so knowledgeable and reviewed all the different fluid bags I was to receive.  

I'm so lucky to have my mother and Ms. Elaine Clary share their chemo experience and they prepped me very well for this moment.  Knowing how painfully thick the chemo needle would be, I've ordered a prescription for lidocaine creme to local anesthetize the area an hour prior to my appointment. Lucky I did this because when Nurse Marie inserted the needle into my port, I didn't feel any pain.  Just a slight pressure of the needle entering the plastic sounding port with a pop.  Then she started my saline IV and I smelt a rush of rubbing alcohol.  Later, she began a packet of Benadryl to reduce any chance of allergies against the chemo drugs - Taxotere.  

When she started Benadryl on me, I immediately felt drowsy and I couldn't keep my eyes open.  I felt like I took a shot of Barcardi 151.  I felt warm, I got the giggles, my eyes kept shutting, and I had tears in my eyes.  I can't really explain why I had a flood of tears...it's a mix emotion of trying to fight sleep overcoming me, to a slight scare that I couldn't control my own mind, and a giggle fit.  I was high as a kite.  After I napped a little, I woke up feeling refreshed.  Nurse Marie then started my Taxotere treatment and it smelled like crazy glue to me.  It's the strangest feeling to smell these chemicals through my nose/mouth...from the inside of my body.  

My whole treatment took up a whole 5 hours.  It was a long day.  I had to pee several times due to all the fluids being injected into me.  I felt so old and sick pushing my IV bag on wheels back and forth to the bathroom like all the other old patients.  Bless my mom's heart for trying to help me push my IV bag with me to the bathroom.  But I told her I can push it myself because she was pushing it too slow for me. Making me feel even more helpless and pathetic.  She asked me if I didn't feel dizzy.  I told her just a little but wheeling the IV bags acted like a stroller and helped balance me out.  She made a crack saying that I'm still young, vivacious,and healthy and I'll be fine. LOL.

I felt bad to see my mom and Peter sitting with me during the whole 5 hours of the treatment.  How boring and depressing it must be to just sit there and watch me.  Well, they had their laptops and such but still, how boring it must be.  I told Pete he can go shopping and come back for me later.  He eventually took me up on that offer and went to Lowe's to buy some stuff to fix around the house.  We are still working on our shabby chic home renovation - the endless DIY money pit project.

The 5 hours seem to have rather quick for me.  I think it's because I slept most of the time.  I didn't feel too hungry. I think I left the hospital feeling very swollen from all the fluids injected into me.  

Side Effects for Me after Chemo (Taxotere)

I felt a tingly sensation on the right side of my scalp while I was receiving my chemo injection.  If I'm a betting woman, I'm betting that I'll lose the right side of my hair first.  It's just an odd tingly feeling at the root.  

My sense of smell has heighten and I just don't like the smell of anything strong.  My Korean Mom opened up a bag of Shrimp Chips on our car ride home in the back.  That smell was so horrible it was making me nauseous.  Now, I LOVE Shrimp Chips...I love them. Ask my Iraq roommate, Angie Rish, who had to deal with me eating those stinky things in our small room we shared. LOL.  Poor girl never complained about my stinky Asian care package treats.  But I had to ask my mom to stop eating it and chew some gum cause I was smelling it all around me and it was making me gag.  Pete rolled the windows down for me to get some fresh air.

By the time I got home, I didn't experience anymore nausea but my gastrointestinal area just burned.  My stomach and intestines felt like it was melting away...it was a horrible burning feeling.  And then I was super gassy, bubble guts, and had diarrhea a few times. I had to call the on-call doctor to see what I can do to get rid of the stomach pain.  He said Imodium AD and Pepcid AC should help relief the burn.  

I didn't eat much dinner.  All I wanted was bland food to make my stomach pain go away.  I knew I was hungry but all I wanted was simply bland food.  Thankfully, my mom knew just what I needed and prepared squash soup for me.  It was delicious.

During my shower, my shampoo and conditioner didn't smell as nice as I thought. I typically use Bed Head or Dove hair products.  This time, I smelt all the harsh chemicals in each of the products.  I stopped breathing it in just wash my hair. But I thought to myself than I need to go by some organic natural shampoo here on out.  

I went to bed rather well.  With all the other pain throughout my body, it took away my original portacath pain on my neck and chest.  I slept comfortably on my bed for the first time since my portacath surgery.  I woke up feeling somewhat refreshed.

Feeling like Super Girl the next day - 15 August 2013

The next morning after chemo, I woke up feeling refreshed.  I took all my pills including anti-nausea pills. Ate a little squash soup. I wasn't feeling hungry but I knew I had to eat something.  I still didn't feel 100% but not nearly as bad as I thought I should be.  Once again, I had another visit to the Oncology to get my follow up shot for Neulasta - a shot to reduce the risk of infections and increases your white blood cell.  

I swear that shot made me feel like I was Super Girl.  I got home with all the energy in the world.  I turned on to watch my recorded CMA award show and I got super hyper at home listening to Carrie Underwood's performance. I danced a little, then I picked up my weights and did some squats and arm exercises.  Then I hopped on to my stationary bicycle for a little bit.  Then I took my mom for a walk through our woods.  I looked back at my slow moving mom and I can see that her visit with me was taking a toll on her energy level.  She walked slower than me and I thought to myself that she probably needed my Neulasta shot herself.

My mom has been so busy caring for me that she looked tired.  I need to give her a break too considering she is still a cancer patient herself.  Moms....aren't they just so selfless.  My mom is the best.

Later in the evening, I began to feel the bone/joint aches - common side effects of Neulasta.  So, my Super Girl enery had drained out and I basically went to bed at a decent time.  LOL.  Took my usual meds and slept soundly.

This Morning - 16 August 2013

I woke up early this morning - 5:30 am and I picked up my daily devotions from Sarah Young, "Jesus Calling".  This morning's devotion hit my heart and I heard Jesus speaking to me.  

For those who don't have this wonderful devotion, this is what it read:

Meet me in early morning splendor.  I eagerly await you here. In the stillness of this holy time with Me, I renew your strength and saturate you with Peace.  While others turn over for extra sleep or anxiously tune in to the latest news, you commune with the Creator of the universe.  I have awaken in your heart strong desire to know Me.  this longing originated in Me, though it now burns brightly in you.

When you seek My Face in response to My Love-call, both of us are blessed. This is a deep mystery, designed more for your enjoyment than for your understanding.  I am not a dour God who discourages pleasure. I delight in your enjoyment of everything that is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable. Think on these things, and my Light in you will shine brighter day by day.

Verse that struck my heart this morning - 

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. - Isaiah 40:31.

Wasn't that a beautiful verse? I felt like I could run 3 miles this morning - but my sorry excuse is - it's raining outside. LOL.