Results from Surgery

Not what I wanted to hear...

I felt fine a couple of days after surgery.  Soreness on my left arm and some chest pain but it was endurable.  I actually went to the gym just to get out of the house but I only worked out on the bicycle for 15 minutes before I felt tired and dizzy.  I figured some exercise is better than none.  

I even stopped by my office and greeted my fellow Realtors.  

I picked up a new buyer client and showed a house Friday morning.  Then ran over to meet the appraiser for my other client.  I was getting back into the daily routine.

Then I get the call on Friday, 12 July 2013 at approximately 3:30 pm from Dr. Tucker.  She called with the results of my surgery.  I heard, "wah wah wah 1.8 cm tumor but its a grade 3...wah wah aggressive....abnormal tumor shaped like a star....your tumor grew a leg....wah wah...we need to do another surgery and remove cancer from your muscles...wah wah wah...two of your lymph nodes metastasized...wah wah...positive cancer cells....wah wah...we won't be removing any more of your lymph nodes...wah wah wah..chemotherapy....Did you make an appointment to see me?....oh good...See you on Wednesday." Click.

I know I shouldn't be stunned but I was.  I was disappointed about undergoing another surgery.  I cried a little bit from the shock.  Then texted my friends.  It's nice to have a cheerleading team rallying for me.

What I'm beginning to see...

This may sound crazy but I am beginning to see this cancer as a blessing.  I prayed numerous times for God to use me as his vessel and allow me to do his work.  Although I may not fully comprehend His intentions or immediately see His work and I certainly may not agree with his course of action, I see God's work around me.  Yes, I cry momentarily from the shock of the news and I'm deathly afraid of needles but I am embracing this experience as another adventure in my life.  

In this journey, I am experiencing love from old and new friends, co-workers, families, and strangers.  I am meeting so many new people I've never would have met without this ice breaker.  My dear friend and fellow Realtor, Belinda Forrest, cried for me when she heard the news.  I've always called her my "Realtor Mom" and she cried for me as much as my own blood mother did.  Her tears stunned me and I realized her genuine love and care for me. Who said Realtors were cut throat and competitive?  Selling homes are our financial means to survive and I was so deeply touched when Belinda said she will help me with anything...even work buyer leads for me and not take any commission.  That is a HUGE generous offering.  Nobody in this business makes a generous offer like that.  For that, I highly recommend and endorse Ms. Belinda Forrest as one of the best Realtors in the world.  

My other Realtor colleagues, Jane Lafferty and Skip Sheeley, have been so supportive.  They call to check up on me and offer me any assistance I need.  Jane teaches me all sorts of things...real estate and vegetarian lifestyle.  

My Run for God and Choir friends at Riverland Hills Baptist Church have been so supportive. Their prayers and support keeps me going everyday.  Diane, Nancy, Jeanna, Stuart, Keri and others I haven't listed....I thank God every day for the fellowship and their supportive rally.

My husband, Pete...who endures my impatience, meanness and crabbiness.  His compassion, forgiveness, and love shows me time and time again what marriage means.  There are times when I try to sabotage our marriage with my Korean dramatic soap opera flair but yet through Pete, I see 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 - Love is patient, love is kind.  I see strength in Pete's eyes when I grow weak and scared.

My little sister, Kyoung, has grown to take more of the big sister role in caring for me.  Although we have our sibling rivalry and argue often, she is also my best friend who understands me and where I come from.  Funny how she used to look up to me as a child but now I look up to her - literally.  She's always been my best caretaker and now, she's stepping up to that plate again. We mutually know we are all we have when our parents pass.

My sister-in laws, Jen and Emily...they understand what it means to be an in-law and not have immediate parents near by.  They have been so kind and generous...checking up on me...bringing me food, inviting me over for food, delivering food....no wonder I'm chubby...they keep feeding me!  And they can cook too!

My neighbors, the Wootens, have been so kind  to my husband and I with food and helping out with our yard work.  Who does that???  Amazing...

Walking in my mother's shoes or Veggie Tales?

This experience also makes me understand my mother's journey with breast cancer.  I'm literally walking in her shoes.  Here's the funny thing...when I wasn't in her shoes, I was her cheerleader...I would say things like, "You can fight this Mom!  You can do this!  Fight Cancer! You got this!  Don't give up!"  LOL.

Now I laugh to myself when I hear people say those words, "Moon, you can kick cancer's ass!  Moon, you are strong  you got this!  Fight Cancer!  You can beat it!"

I ponder how I am going to fight cancer?  How do I fight at the cellular level? I don't know where the cancer's ass is for me to kick?  LOL.  Do I put on punching gloves of broccoli and kale?  Or Carrots?  What am I fighting?

I'm pretty much shadowboxing myself with a fistful of vegetables.  Soon my story will become VeggieTales.

I know, I know...these words of encouragement is to keep my spirits up.  The only thing I can control is my diet.  I'm going to beat Cancer by juicing myself with carrots, kale, spinach and a splash of apple juice.  LOL.

Another control element to this fight is my sense of humor. I have to laugh and find humor in everything. It's just too funny. 

I am finally letting Jesus take my wheel.  I realize what I can control and what I can't.  I trust in the Lord and my heart is at peace.  I'm excited about where this is going to take me and whom I'll meet in this journey.

In the meantime, a girl's gotta make a living.  Is there anybody who needs to sell their home? LOL.  I trust God will provide. Maybe I'll list a big fancy doctor's home on Lake Murray? ;)

Surgery Week

The Week of Surgery

Pre-Op - Monday, 8 July 2013

Before the day of the surgery, I had to endure the pre-op process.  It reminded me of the Army's in-processing routine.  The first appointment was to register with the hospital and discuss my finances or how I'm going to pay my medical bills.  Luckily, I have Tricare Standard through the Army Reserves but other than that, everything else will come out of my pocket in deductibles.  I'm lucky for this.  I did ask the representative what my options were if I couldn't afford the medical treatment or didn't have insurance. I assumed I would be turned away but surprisingly, the hospital does offer payment plans, medicaid, and other financial options/charities for cancer treatments.

After the financial discussion, I was led to the nurse's office for the "Interview/Assessment".  The nurse basically verified my personal and medical information.  My blood was drawn for whatever reasons - I assume it was to ensure I wasn't pregnant? - and then I had a chest x-ray.  I'm not sure what they were looking for in the x-ray since all I saw was my bone structure, shadow of my heart and lungs and this atomic bomb cloud looking thing.  I pointed at the cloud and asked what that image was.. The technician said it was gas in my stomach.  I laughed. I knew I was full of hot air...LOL.

My next pre-op appointment was to get the SLN (sentinel lymph node) injections in my breast in Nuclear Medicine. I've never heard of Nuclear Medicine and imagined myself glowing in the dark after the injections. The Radiologist made four injections into my areola with a blue radioactive tracer that is supposed to travel into my lymph node system.  The blue tracer would allow the surgeon to easily find my lymph nodes for biopsy and test for cancer cells.  I'm not going to lie about this...the injections stung...a lot.

My husband, a 6'3 manly of all men type of guy, held my hand during this process but sat on the floor with weak knees and wouldn't dare peek at the needle injections.  Now, you have to know my husband.  When I say manly, he is all about guns, hunting, trucks, etc...and he bends at the knees for Jesus and needles. LOL.

After the injections, I waited an hour while moving my arm around in order to help the tracer travel up my lymph node system.  Pete and I went to the cafeteria, ate some danish and drank some coffee while watching the thunderstorm and hospital employees run without umbrellas.  After the hour, I ran back upstairs to Nuclear Medicine and had another chest x-ray but it was to find glowing lymph nodes.  The imagery was like stars in the desert night.  One big star stood out and the technician said that was my lymph node.

Surgery, Tuesday, 9 July 2013

I was nervous on the day of surgery.  I barely slept and per directions, I didn't eat or drink anything after midnight, so I woke up feeling hungry.  Then again, I'm always hungry. I laid in bed and read another chapter of "Dear God, They Say its Cancer" and the bible verses the author shared comforted me. I have to remind myself that God is ultimately in control and I have to trust in Him.

Fear of Malpractice

I dressed into my button up pajama set.  Pete laughed and asked if I was really going in with my PJs. I said, "Yes! They said to dress comfortably so I'm dressed to sleep right away when I come back home."  We also decided to assist the surgical team and ensure they cut into the correct anatomy.  After hearing horror stories of surgeries gone wrong and patients missing limbs for minor surgery, I grabbed a sharpie marker and told Pete to write "Do not remove" on my body.  We laughed so hard when we wrote "Do Not Remove" on my healthy boob and "Do Not Remove, Lypo Only" on my tummy.  My laughter turned into tears and my husband silently hugged me.

Pete drove me to the hospital and I gotta say, walking into the hospital felt like the green mile for me.  My legs felt so heavy like I was dragging an iron ball and chain.  My heart sank with fear but I smiled my goofy smile when I walked passed people.  One lady said, "Now you're smart and well prepared to come in your pajamies!"  

I checked in with the surgery lobby.  The desk lady, a volunteer, explained the process and handed Pete a vibrating box thing that restaurants do for long wait time.  I laughed and said, "Can I have fries and milk shake with that?"  The lady said, "No, but you'll get a room with a bed." 

An hour later, our vibrating box lights up and Nurse Robyn greets us and shows us to our room.  I changed into my gown that opens in the back with my butt hanging out.  Very awkward, by the way, since I'm mooning everybody in the room.  I lay on my bed and found the hospital bed to be very comfortable.

As Robyn was helping me get settled in bed, I giggled and asked her, "Does anybody ever leave skidmarks on the bed? Cause that would be embarrassing."  Robyn laughs and says, "I've never been asked that question in 16 years of nursing. But if somebody left skidmarks, nobody would say anything."  We all laughed.  It was so refreshing to just laugh.

 Robyn sets up a heat blower into my gown which kept me warm during the duration of surgery. She applied leg compressors - which I enjoyed since it felt like a lovejoy massage chair.  Robyn sets up my IV which Pete, of course cringes, our eyes meet briefly and he looks away in grimace.  I tell him he's a big baby and it wasn't so bad. 

Then as we draw nearer to surgery time, I met with the Anesthesiologist who asked me about my past drug allergies and surgeries.  Dr. Lynn Tucker, my surgeon, comes into the room, holds my hands and confirms my surgical site.  She laughed hard and said "You crazy girl" when she saw my "Do Not Remove" markings. LOL.  When it was time to get wheeled away, the anesthesiologist gave me a relaxer.  Pete kissed me and said "I'll see you later."  I prayed quietly that God will bless the surgical team.  I remember seeing the surgery lights and then I was out.  

I woke up next to the post-anesthesiology nurse who offered me Sprite.  I was so thirsty I asked for a second serving.  I was groggy and barely remember her wheeling me into a room.  Pete came in to greet me. The nurse put me into the wheelchair and Pete picked me up at the curb.  Everything was a blur.  Pete stopped by Walmart to pick up my drugs. I don't know if I slept in the car but I remember walking into the bathroom at home and looking at my incisions.  I had no dressing. I was glued.  I thought the "small" incision was larger than I thought under my arm.  The incision on my areola was nice and clean.  But I was still grossed out.

I slept the whole day and woke up the next day at about 10 am. And then slept some more.