Days After the First Chemo Treatment - Finding Intestinal Fortitude

The Week Before Chemo

After my portacath surgery, I had a week to heal before my first chemotherapy treatment.  If recovering from surgery wasn't enough, I had to endure the side effects from the estrogen hormone suppressant shot called "Lupron".   Lupron is administered to hibernate my ovaries and put me into early menopause.  This is because the type of breast cancer I have feeds off of my estrogen.  Theoretically, killing my estrogen means starving and killing the cancer cells.  Lupron also saves my ovaries from chemotherapy so I may have children in approximately 5 years after my cancer treatment is complete.

The funny thing about this situation is that, I always saw myself as a tom boy.  Who knew I was overflowing with estrogen.  Dr. Tucker reaffirmed that I will not be losing my femininity in any way.  I won't be growing hair in strange places or grow muscles like a female bodybuilder on steroids.  

Another funny revelation is, I don't necessarily see myself as how others see me.  I often picture myself as being a loud, obnoxious tough girl with an annoying giggle.  I feel like a roaring tiger..."ROOOAAARRR"...

Unfortunately, my family and friends see me as a little kitty.  They hear my "ROOAARRR" as "Mew Mew Mew".  They say I'm very girly and feminine.  Hmmm.  No wonder this cancer grew from my overflowing estrogen level. 

The side effects I experience from Lupron are periodic hot flashes, swelling on my extremities, bloating and water retention.  Before the shot, I weighed in at 135 lbs.  Five days after the shot, my belly swelled like I was three months pregnant.  I weighed in at 147 lbs - gaining 12 lbs of water.  I swear its water because my belly, extremities and face swelled like a water balloon.

First Chemo Treatment

I know I previously blogged about my First Chemo Treatment Experience.  However, I now have photos from that day.

Pete and I - Just got connected to Benadryl

 Pete and my mother attended my first chemotherapy session.  The whole procedure took 5 hours long.  I sat on a comfortable recliner and Nurse Marie plugged my IV into my portacath and filled me up with saline and Benadryl.

As you can see, I was awake momentarily for the photo op with Pete. This was before the Benadryl wiped me out.

Mom and I - Benadryl in effect. I barely kept my eyes open

Mom and I - Benadryl knocked me out!

My mother attempted to take a photo with me while I was getting my Benadryl injection.  I barely kept my eyes open.  As you can see, I wasn't too successful at staying awake.  

And then, ZZZZZzzzzzz.  Benadryl hit me so hard.  I was knocked out cold within 5 seconds. LOL. This is the photo my mom got of me at my first chemo. 

About an hour later, I woke up from my nap and I attempted to do some work.  To my clients - I swear, I do try to work while I'm coherent. 

Attempting to work

Here I am trying to do some work.  I don't remember what I was working on.  I swear I wasn't playing Candy Crush!!!  Maybe I was checking Facebook....

Finding Intestinal Fortitude After Chemo

Receiving the chemotherapy injection was the easy part.  The challenging task was to endure the side effects of this potent cell killing drug and the immune boosting Neulasta shot.  This Neulasta shot also gave horrible side effects.  I couldn't distinguish between the painful side effects or an incoming infection.

The first 7 days after chemotherapy was indescribably painful and miserable.  I have to agree with other cancer patients and admit, going through chemotherapy isn't for the faint of heart.  I didn't feel very good the first few days.  My stomach burned and I couldn't eat anything accept bland food.  The smell of certain food made me nauseous.  Luckily, I was heavily equipped with anti-nausea pills so I never vomited, however, I did experience frequent diarrhea. 

The pain from Chemo/Neulasta can be described as a wave of constant sharp and throbbing ache from the joints and bone.  It just keeps throbbing throughout the day and night.  Pain medicine only masks the pain a little but it doesn't completely erase it.  My body ballooned with water retention.  My face, neck, and back swelled and ached so much that I went to Lexington Urgent Care in Chapin on Sunday.  We initially thought I was coming down with an infection.  However, after several tests and blood drawls, my white blood cell count was extremely high and I was simply suffering from the side effects of Neulasta.  I went home feeling sheepish.

To summarize the first week - I had good days and bad.  The first five days, I sat with a brain fog with constant ache.  I ate nothing but bland food.  I didn't feel like doing anything.

Second Week after Chemo

My health improved significantly after day 10.  I weaned myself off of pain meds and started to eat relatively normal again.  My body couldn't handle raw vegetables or spicy dishes.  However, I ate pretty much everything.  I would get fatigue easily and need to rest at home.  Slowly but surely, I feel more like myself.  I had my blood drawn today and again my white blood cell count was extremely high.  They said I'm really healthy and overall, I'm doing very well.  For my next chemotherapy treatment, we will not administer the Neulasta shot and see how I do with my immune system.

God prepared me very well for this journey.  Just a few months ago, I ran a 10K with my Run for God group.  He knew I would be able to handle this journey with my strong mind and body.  I have faith and trust in God that this cancer experience draws me closer to Him more than ever.  

Today 23 Aug 13 - 2nd Lupron Shot 

I received my second Lupron shot today.  I am already swelling like a balloon again!

Waiting for Nurse Teresa

 After since my diagnosis, I spend a lot of time at the Lexington Medical Campus.  All I do is wait around for my turn to be seen.  This morning, I spent my time in Oncology, getting my lab work done and meeting with Nurse Teresa and Stephanie.  Stephanie gave me my monthly Lupron shot in my butt.

I tried really hard to stay relaxed and not tense my butt cheeks while I waited for the shot.  Stephanie would count to three and I would let out a quick yelp.  I can feel the stick...it stings!  Afterwards, I would rub my butt pain away.  LOL.

My sister, Kyoung and I waiting together

Visit from Belinda Forrest

My good friend, Belinda Forrest, came by to visit me at my humble home.  What a wonderful surprise! We shared dinner and good laugh together.  She also shared with me the verse that spoke to her heart.  She said everywhere she turned, she saw Jeremiah 29:11-13 and thought of me.  Thank you Belinda for sharing this with me.  

Belinda and I

Jeremiah 29:11-13

New International Version (NIV)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

First Chemotherapy Treatment

Not knowing what to expect - 14 August 2013

I dreaded my first chemotherapy session. Mostly because I didn't know what to expect and all I felt was the sore and tenderness of my portacath surgery area. I couldn't imagine a thick needle penetrating an area that was already so painful.

 When Pete drove me to the hospital and parked the car, I felt a warm flood of tears building up in my eyes. I tried to lift my head up and make my tears disappear. Instead I felt that familiar warm wave of emotions - you know where your eyes get wet and your nose tingles cause you're about to cry. The only thing I told myself was to stay strong and stop feeling sorry for myself.  It was just a brief flitting moment.  I just couldn't believe that I...I have cancer....and I have to suck it up, pound sand, and get through this...and maintain a happy face...not just for my own sanity but for those around me too.  

My mom must have seen my face because she said it's normal to feel the way I do. She said this is when you realize you really are a sick patient and you're unhealthy.  She said she was in disbelief too when she went through breast cancer herself.  At that moment, I really appreciated her being with me - besides all the good cooking and cleaning she's been doing at my house. LOL.

When we got into the hospital, I was immediately whisked away for blood work.  They drew 4 vials of blood, each to test for white blood and red blood count; liver function; and I forgot the last one.  After that, I went into the Oncology room.  It was a large bright open bay with rows of recliner chairs occupied by people like me, receiving their chemotherapy.  Most of the people were senior citizens.  I believe I was one of the youngest looking patients.  It's so surreal to be sitting in a room like this.  I felt like I was sent to a nursing home already. This is when reality hit again - that I really do have cancer.

I am assigned to Nurse Marie in the third treatment section of the bay.  She has 31 years of nursing experience which most of her years were spent in Oncology. I immediately appreciated her experience and thanked the Lord for blessing me with Nurse Marie to take care of me.  She was so knowledgeable and reviewed all the different fluid bags I was to receive.  

I'm so lucky to have my mother and Ms. Elaine Clary share their chemo experience and they prepped me very well for this moment.  Knowing how painfully thick the chemo needle would be, I've ordered a prescription for lidocaine creme to local anesthetize the area an hour prior to my appointment. Lucky I did this because when Nurse Marie inserted the needle into my port, I didn't feel any pain.  Just a slight pressure of the needle entering the plastic sounding port with a pop.  Then she started my saline IV and I smelt a rush of rubbing alcohol.  Later, she began a packet of Benadryl to reduce any chance of allergies against the chemo drugs - Taxotere.  

When she started Benadryl on me, I immediately felt drowsy and I couldn't keep my eyes open.  I felt like I took a shot of Barcardi 151.  I felt warm, I got the giggles, my eyes kept shutting, and I had tears in my eyes.  I can't really explain why I had a flood of tears...it's a mix emotion of trying to fight sleep overcoming me, to a slight scare that I couldn't control my own mind, and a giggle fit.  I was high as a kite.  After I napped a little, I woke up feeling refreshed.  Nurse Marie then started my Taxotere treatment and it smelled like crazy glue to me.  It's the strangest feeling to smell these chemicals through my nose/mouth...from the inside of my body.  

My whole treatment took up a whole 5 hours.  It was a long day.  I had to pee several times due to all the fluids being injected into me.  I felt so old and sick pushing my IV bag on wheels back and forth to the bathroom like all the other old patients.  Bless my mom's heart for trying to help me push my IV bag with me to the bathroom.  But I told her I can push it myself because she was pushing it too slow for me. Making me feel even more helpless and pathetic.  She asked me if I didn't feel dizzy.  I told her just a little but wheeling the IV bags acted like a stroller and helped balance me out.  She made a crack saying that I'm still young, vivacious,and healthy and I'll be fine. LOL.

I felt bad to see my mom and Peter sitting with me during the whole 5 hours of the treatment.  How boring and depressing it must be to just sit there and watch me.  Well, they had their laptops and such but still, how boring it must be.  I told Pete he can go shopping and come back for me later.  He eventually took me up on that offer and went to Lowe's to buy some stuff to fix around the house.  We are still working on our shabby chic home renovation - the endless DIY money pit project.

The 5 hours seem to have rather quick for me.  I think it's because I slept most of the time.  I didn't feel too hungry. I think I left the hospital feeling very swollen from all the fluids injected into me.  

Side Effects for Me after Chemo (Taxotere)

I felt a tingly sensation on the right side of my scalp while I was receiving my chemo injection.  If I'm a betting woman, I'm betting that I'll lose the right side of my hair first.  It's just an odd tingly feeling at the root.  

My sense of smell has heighten and I just don't like the smell of anything strong.  My Korean Mom opened up a bag of Shrimp Chips on our car ride home in the back.  That smell was so horrible it was making me nauseous.  Now, I LOVE Shrimp Chips...I love them. Ask my Iraq roommate, Angie Rish, who had to deal with me eating those stinky things in our small room we shared. LOL.  Poor girl never complained about my stinky Asian care package treats.  But I had to ask my mom to stop eating it and chew some gum cause I was smelling it all around me and it was making me gag.  Pete rolled the windows down for me to get some fresh air.

By the time I got home, I didn't experience anymore nausea but my gastrointestinal area just burned.  My stomach and intestines felt like it was melting away...it was a horrible burning feeling.  And then I was super gassy, bubble guts, and had diarrhea a few times. I had to call the on-call doctor to see what I can do to get rid of the stomach pain.  He said Imodium AD and Pepcid AC should help relief the burn.  

I didn't eat much dinner.  All I wanted was bland food to make my stomach pain go away.  I knew I was hungry but all I wanted was simply bland food.  Thankfully, my mom knew just what I needed and prepared squash soup for me.  It was delicious.

During my shower, my shampoo and conditioner didn't smell as nice as I thought. I typically use Bed Head or Dove hair products.  This time, I smelt all the harsh chemicals in each of the products.  I stopped breathing it in just wash my hair. But I thought to myself than I need to go by some organic natural shampoo here on out.  

I went to bed rather well.  With all the other pain throughout my body, it took away my original portacath pain on my neck and chest.  I slept comfortably on my bed for the first time since my portacath surgery.  I woke up feeling somewhat refreshed.

Feeling like Super Girl the next day - 15 August 2013

The next morning after chemo, I woke up feeling refreshed.  I took all my pills including anti-nausea pills. Ate a little squash soup. I wasn't feeling hungry but I knew I had to eat something.  I still didn't feel 100% but not nearly as bad as I thought I should be.  Once again, I had another visit to the Oncology to get my follow up shot for Neulasta - a shot to reduce the risk of infections and increases your white blood cell.  

I swear that shot made me feel like I was Super Girl.  I got home with all the energy in the world.  I turned on to watch my recorded CMA award show and I got super hyper at home listening to Carrie Underwood's performance. I danced a little, then I picked up my weights and did some squats and arm exercises.  Then I hopped on to my stationary bicycle for a little bit.  Then I took my mom for a walk through our woods.  I looked back at my slow moving mom and I can see that her visit with me was taking a toll on her energy level.  She walked slower than me and I thought to myself that she probably needed my Neulasta shot herself.

My mom has been so busy caring for me that she looked tired.  I need to give her a break too considering she is still a cancer patient herself.  Moms....aren't they just so selfless.  My mom is the best.

Later in the evening, I began to feel the bone/joint aches - common side effects of Neulasta.  So, my Super Girl enery had drained out and I basically went to bed at a decent time.  LOL.  Took my usual meds and slept soundly.

This Morning - 16 August 2013

I woke up early this morning - 5:30 am and I picked up my daily devotions from Sarah Young, "Jesus Calling".  This morning's devotion hit my heart and I heard Jesus speaking to me.  

For those who don't have this wonderful devotion, this is what it read:

Meet me in early morning splendor.  I eagerly await you here. In the stillness of this holy time with Me, I renew your strength and saturate you with Peace.  While others turn over for extra sleep or anxiously tune in to the latest news, you commune with the Creator of the universe.  I have awaken in your heart strong desire to know Me.  this longing originated in Me, though it now burns brightly in you.

When you seek My Face in response to My Love-call, both of us are blessed. This is a deep mystery, designed more for your enjoyment than for your understanding.  I am not a dour God who discourages pleasure. I delight in your enjoyment of everything that is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable. Think on these things, and my Light in you will shine brighter day by day.

Verse that struck my heart this morning - 

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. - Isaiah 40:31.

Wasn't that a beautiful verse? I felt like I could run 3 miles this morning - but my sorry excuse is - it's raining outside. LOL.

Portacath Surgery

The Day of my Portacath Surgery

Pete and I in the wait room

 Like my previous surgery before, I had to stop all eating and drinking at midnight. Just like a little piggy, I made sure I didn't miss a meal until midnight. My plan of stuffing myself worked. I managed to get through the morning without breakfast and coffee.

We waited in the wait room for an hour until my room was prepared.  The nurse made me pee into a cup to ensure I wasn't pregnant before my surgery. I guess my reassurance wasn't good enough.  Pete and I must be going around with a "We're In Love and we're like rabbits" look or something....LOL.

Mom and I in the wait room

Dr. Lynn Tucker and I before surgery time

Uncle Peter, Aunt Catherine and I after surgery

My mom flew in the morning of my surgery from Los Angeles.  Poor mom, her flight was delayed due to maintenance issues at LAX and she was forced to fly red eye.  Red eye was right.  She was so exhausted by the time change and flight but she stayed awake the whole day with me during surgery.  What a trooper!

My mom is a recent breast cancer survivor too.  I asked how about her portacath surgery. She said she was awake and watched the whole surgical procedure.  I asked if it hurt.  She said she didn't feel a thing.  I told her I'm being put to sleep cause I just don't want to know.  She said I wasn't her daughter cause I didn't take after her boldness. LOL.  

Dr. Lynn Tucker came by to see me before my surgery.  She is a wonderful and gifted surgeon.  She ensures I'm comfortable and I go home with pain killers - even when I think I'll be okay. LOL.  Good thing she's smarter than me cause I assumed it would be a minor surgery and I would be okay.  Well, once the local anesthesia wore off in the surgery area, I almost cried.  There are two incisions made - one to insert the port and the other incision is where they use a wire to puncture the central vein in order to insert a tube.  A portacath is primarily used to administer chemotherapy and blood draws.  Its purpose is to save your veins from being overused.  

So, I have two conflicting stories about the surgery.  My version is - I don't remember anything and I slept the whole time.  Pete's version is - Dr. Tucker said I was sedated and I watched to whole procedure on the ultrasound.  Then I was given a shot of amnesia to forget everything.  LOL. Well, it worked cause I remember waking up and being wheeled out of the hospital. 

That evening, I was in the most incredible pain.  I couldn't lay down and sleep. The best description of my pain - I was kicked in the chest by a horse! This pain was far worse than my lumpectomy and my sentinel node biopsy under my arm.  My neck and chest hurt so much that I couldn't get up, laugh, cough or anything that requires strain.  I increased my percocet intake and added motrin.  This helped manage my pain.

My Uncle Pete and Aunt Catherine visited me as they were enroute from a church seminar in Kentucky.  This was a wonderful and pleasant surprise.  It was my first time meeting Aunt Catherine and I really enjoyed her visit.  They are both dedicated to serving the Lord and and shared the meaning of the Holy Spirit with me.  She reminded me that God has never left my side and He is opening my eyes to his Love through this journey.  She also reminded me of all the blessings around me that I take for granted.  I guess it takes somebody from LA to remind me about how there are numbers of city folks who would love to have the opportunity to live in the country like I do.  

I looked around me and I did see God around me.  In the green trees, butterflies and birds that surrounds me and my home.  I see God through the love of the people around me.  I never felt so much love until cancer.  This is quite the blessing.  My life has slowed down so I can see God's presence.

Yes, this girl is all about Green Acres. LOL. I've become an Asian Country Bumpkin. I gave up a BMW for a Kubota Tractor.  What's a Louis Vuitton?  Who's Prada and Gucci?  I like Ariat and Tony Lama cowboy boots.... I'll go shopping at Tractor Supply. LOL.  My LA friends are like...WHAT?  What has become of Moon? 

Recovering from Round 1 - Fight!

Roller Coaster Ride

The past 4 weeks after my Lumpectomy was quite a roller coaster ride of ups and downs.  The first week and half after my surgery was challenging.  Although I felt relatively good, I would fatigue easily and needed to take naps throughout the day.  I knew I was tired when I could hardly keep my eyes opened and sensed an immediate need to sleep.  That was the first two weeks.  On top of sleepiness, I felt nauseous at certain time - mostly when I smelled food.   The food I loved before - cheeseburgers, fries, fried chicken, fried eggs - created a wave of nausea.  I assume my body was still getting rid of the anesthesia in my body.  

After 3 weeks, I felt fine with the exception of sore shoulder/ underarm of the surgical area.  And with the lumpectomy, I didn't feel comfortable with any bouncing, jumping or lying on my belly.  

Week 4, I met with my Oncologist, Dr. Korapatti, and she reviewed every line of my pathology report.  She also reviewed my treatment plan for my particular breast cancer type.  For those of you who are curious about the nitty gritty medical details - I have the Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, Stage II a, Estrogen Receptive Positive, Grade 3 cancer.  For this type of aggressive cancer, I am to undergo 6 sessions of chemotherapy, another surgery to clear my margins, and 6 weeks of radiation.  For this type of chemotherapy, I will be losing my hair.

Dr. Korapatti also put me on a monthly Lupron shot to hibernate my ovaries and put me into early menopause in order to suppress my estrogen and essentially starve and kill the cancer cells.  The side effects I've experienced from Lupron in the past 2 weeks have been:  hot flashes, significant bloating where my stomach extended like I ate a whole watermelon, swelling on my hands and feet (my fingers and toes looked like Vienna Sausages) and worst, cravings - like I'm always hungry and craving for my favorite food!!!  Now, I'm fat but I'm hoping chemotherapy will slim me.  I'm storing up for the worst.

Wednesday, August 7 is my surgery to in place a port catheter in my chest.  The idea is to save your arm from numerous IV stabbings and have a one easy place for nurses to stick the IV without torturing you.  I will be put to sleep during this surgery but no anesthesia will be administered.  I sure do hope I don't wake up in the middle of surgery.  Supposedly, the port catheter is connected to the artery under the collar bone.  I'm not sure if I like the sound of something in my artery.  Kinda sounds weird.

Stay tuned as I progress in this journey!